its kind of weird. I always visit my own blog as a 'visitor', not realizing i am the co-owner. what rubbish is this. Maybe because I'm not a very good writer and I'm always very conscience abt my language (even so i still write in broken english).

been kinda weird recently. dun really like to stay out, with jun, with friends or family. just wanna be alone. wanna sort out my thoughts even though there's really nuthin serious for me to sort out. kind of like thinking if i am living my life to the fullest, brain ticking but body nua at home that kind. what u call that? procrastinating?

I read somewhere that procrastination is a good thing! its ideas not put into actions. I wanna do a lot of things! like meeting up with long lost friends, visit relatives. But the inertia is just too great. So great that I dun even feel like picking up the phone, call them for a 5 mins chat.

I had(have) a 'godsister' whom I lost contact with. After JC, we drifted. During my army days, we still met up to chat and suddenly we stop contacting each other. We used to be closed and we will talk about everything under the sun! I quite 'teng' her, will protect her that kind. Think three or four years ago we met, during some JC alumni thing. We actually hugged (to tears if i'm not wrong), then we told each other to remain in contact... About one to two years ago we met again , quite awkwardly at my teacher's funeral. Awkward not because of the occassion but we just dunno what to say to each other. At the end, we actually apologized to each other for not putting effort in maintaining our relationship. Once again we told each to remain in contact...

Maybe this part and parcel of this friendship thing. Friends do come and go. but i'm sure like what jun have said, when in need they will be there for me.

_______________________________

A friend of mine just got into some chibabom firm with 3 months guaranteed bonus every year. I'm happy for him! at the same time sore. Both of us have been competitive against each other, always pushing each other. or maybe he's always pushing me to perform. nevermind that but I kinda sore to hear about his job. i told jun "both of us started off equally, but he seems to be taking off now. I know this is childish but I'm just like this". Not sure if it is right for me to feel this way. anyway jun told me its my scorpion characteristic. True, the Scorpion is one intense little creature. On dark side i can be forceful, resentful and obsessive. So i took that as an explaination of why I am feeling that way. This lasted for a few days, then I think I'm just using that as an excuse. darn! how can I feel that way!?! I should be more than happy! Yar... i'm feeling quite guilty.

_____________________________

k enough. conserve for next post. sumtimes i dun like blogging because i dunno how much to disclose. How true can I be. hmmm..... si bei serious~ (-_-) **PON PATA PON PATA**

Kian

~ntu accountancy grad~

~29 Oct 1983~

~Alicia~aka~zijun~

~ntu accountancy grad~

~7 Jan 1985~

~John Lennon~
~Love~