Saturday, February 25, 2006
11:20 PM
just a short entry, been sometime since I last blog. Life is really getting hectic.
My relationship with dear went thru quite a few patchy moments. She unhappy with me, and I showed her atittude. The BBQ incident was ultimate where I had to go all the way from bedok to NTU and to katong. Orgasm. Well end of the day I conclude I'm insensitive and dear also tend to blow things up. These dents our relationship. Nevertheless, both of us are trying very hard. We are deeply in love and this is the most important. Dear, just wanna say I'm sorry to be insensitive. I will try but i believe it will take time, to hurt u less.
I lost my phone... sux man. It was really touching when dear offered me her M1 voucher and also to go toa payoh to look for new phone. Dear I'm so proud of u that u made such statement that i told my dad how nice u are, citing this example. I love you.
Dear's parents have been very uptight abt the NYP's incident. This cause them to raise their wary on me. Even questioned if someone stole my phone as it has obscene videos in it. I'm very disappointed. After so long they still questioned my character. Yes i noe I am a low grade boyfriend.
Academic wise.... Lets not talk abt it. Just projects and projects. I had marked 16th Mar to be the day I start camping in Library. watch out ppl!! 3As student in the making.
Cheers
Kian
PS: Dear I really love you a lot. I cannot live without you anymore...
Monday, February 13, 2006
3:16 PM
realised dat i've been neglecting my frens ard me for a long long time. feels very sad abt it as i noe it's my fault. i've been so engrossed in a r/n dat i even 'forgot' wat are 'frens'. sigh... i sux man, i'm the most terrible person in the world. wanna say sorry to all my frens, all my jie mei & buddies. sorry for not spending time wif u when u need me... i could hav been there for u, but i didnt... it was after reading all the blogs dat i noe wat has happened to all my frens ard me. yah, i need to rely on blogs to noe the lifes of my frens, to noe wat they r gg through everyday. n even doing this, is bcoz i hav a 4hr break today... i noe i sux... feels so remorseful...
i wanna say...
to w: sorry for leaving u alone when u feel lonely and troubled.
to j: sorry for not being there when u need someone to console u and pour out ur feelings to.
to l: sorry for not showing enough concern after u quarrel wif someone.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
4:41 PM
yes, i came here happily wanting to put an entry abt how enthu and happy i am in looking fwd to vday. but... after the page appeared, i really experienced the words 'u can be happi now but sad the next sec'. yes, it's oni 1 sec difference n my mood changed entirely. obviously i saw ur entry, n obviously it affected my mood.
but after thinking abt it, i still wanna put down my original happi entry:
today is sunday, 2 more days it'll be vday. this yr's vday will be a very special one coz it'll be the first vday for dear&me! i'm really excited abt it, coz dear&me hav booked a chalet @ chervon for 3 days to celebrate our 1st vday togather! yeah! lallaalalalalala.... we r planning to jio gavi for a frenship day gathering the 1st nite, then the 2nd day will be jus a day specially reserved for dear&me! we'll go shopping to buy food for our romantic bbq dinner(well, of course bbq is not anywhere equivalent to romantic, but i'm sure it'll be an unforgettable one). it has been a long time since dear&me spend one whole day together jus wif each other. looking fwd to tue!
yup, dat's my original happi entry, but i really dunno wat's my mood now, jus noe dat i'm trying hard to compose myself & sort out some feelings... u called me after ur tuition, but i din pick up, coz i dunno wat mood n tone will i use if i pick up ur call.
maybe wat i wanna tell u is please dun feel stress dear... i dun mean to make u feel anything like dat. u noe me best, even if i'm angry, i cant make myself be angry wif u for long one lor. a little pacification i'll be smiling again. guess we r still all learning the essents of being in a relationship. well, but nobody can say dat they r a master of it, so it's naturally for all these to happen once in a while. so jus relax n enjoy the "sour, sweet, bitter,hot" lor! i noe u hav been wanting to spend more time on ur studies n stuffs, though i chilled u for not putting in effort for vday, but u noe i say say one only mah, i wont expect u to really spend 24AUs on me one lah! i'm a lazy pig too, if u ask me go n piece a 5000 jigsaw for u, haha... lalallalala... anyway, doing something nice for someone really needs to come from the heart, if not, u'll oni feel stress n pressure. this i can understand. wif my bdae so near vday, i noe u've already exhausted all ur energy and resources so it's time u recuperate too! *hug hug*
but maybe i might be wanting to say the opposite too. like how sad i was when i read ur entry saying u r facing a crisis n being pressured not from within, to put in effort for vday. i tot since it's our 1st vday, both of us will be happi n excited abt it, we'll be filled wif energy & motivation to do something special for each other. was i wrong? well, maybe u r jus not dat kind of person ba. but i still feel sad dat u dun feel anything from ur heart to do something for me. or maybe u did but u r jus lazy & hav no time. but if it comes from ur heart, can laziness n no time covered dat motivation? i dunno...
11:38 AM
i think i'm facing a crisis...
i dun feel as safe anymore.
i find myself not able to take a break
u were angry that i xiong u
i was angry that u gave me that attitude in front of my friends
I dun want to fuck care.
I pacified u in the end
u won
u smiled
and I was happy
U complaint about me
yes i'm guilty
guilty of not putting in effort
but i'm tired
u r asking more from me
are u giving me more?
where's the balance?
I find myself not preparing for vday
I sux i noe
I feel the pressure to do it
pressure not from within
u consoled me
I spoke
u slept
I am mean
Ya mean too
U hurt me with those words
ouch
but i still smile at you
I just want us to be happy
Still I am as stubborn and egolistic
Love is never simple
You too
I dun mean anything
Still wanna hug u
Love
You
I wanna grow old with you
Still playing
Love it
You?
Nevermind about me
Sunday, February 05, 2006
3:01 AM
i officially declared dat i'm gg to "not noe anybody" liao!! at the rate of 2 bdae parties every wk, i'm gg broke soon soon soon! haha... no wonder dear said this yr i'm gg to go ppl's bdaes until siao. (now i wished i noe lesser ppl!)
limin n ks came to my house to bai nian today, jie mei~~ my mum said u r very pretty oooh! haha... they commented dat my room looks kiddish wif all the disney characters deco n e "princess-like" bed. but i think nice leh! dear came over to pei me go huiping's party n the 4 of us talk cock a bit. it's been a long long time since the 4 of us sit down n chat, coz everyone's busy wif their own stuffs, wanna organised gathering oso very hard. (sigh... if oni my wish came true) was quite shocked to hear 2 pieces of news from them. made me realised i sort of neglect some frens recently... shd do some reflections... sob...
took cab wif limin & dear to huiping's house. the buffet was gd, except dat the curry was damn hot lah, but the mutton was very gd. glad to see ping so happi, jus like me on my bdae, fluttering ard like a butterfly entertaining guests. i guess everybody who organised a bdae party will be like dat ba.
left early to catch a movie wif dear. watched I Not Stupid 2, it was very nice... made me cry so hard at the end coz i was so touched. haha... dear was laughing at me for crying even after the lights came on & everybody who walked pass me looked at me crying. *bleah*
came back n saw raine online, so chat wif her a bit. wanted to asked her to our pre-vday gathering chalet but end up talking abt she & rs. she's xing fu now.. but she still hasnt changed her perception of men, jus dat since u already noe they r gg to be like dat, u jus had to accept it.. and of course rs is slightly different. she nv expect to find someone like him too. feels gd to noe dat my jie mei is xing fu... can see dat falling in luv can really change someone. haha...
i think dat when u r in a relationship, no matter how rational u r initially, everything will still change once u fall in luv. especially if u've jus started dating & in the honeymoon period, u'll naturally wan to see each other & hope to be wif each other every moment of ur life, not caring abt wat's happening ard u. dat's how me & dear started too. but as time goes by u'll slowly learn to adapt & take control of ur life again. jus like now dat dear has moved back home & our timetable clashed like dunno wat, we really see each other very much lesser.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
1:40 PM
received dear's sms early in the morning saying he's not gg to bring any one else to bai nian except me for the rest of the years & hope dat we'll chang chang 9 9. it was really sweet, i was smiling from ear to ear drowning in happiness in front of my marketing tutor! haha...
happi 9th month anniversary dear! hope everything goes smoothly & we'll hav our nice n romantic wedding a few years down the road. I wanna tell the whole world I'm the most xing fu gal to hav someone like dear who loves me so much.
thks dear for doing so much for me during the past 9 months. tolerating my nonsense & rubbish (yes, i admit i'm full of rubbish! haha...), & of course accommodating me everytime i wanted something(even if it's very off n ridiculous), giving in to me everytime i'm angry & throw my temper. thks for spending 24 AUs on me, even though u wanted time to mug, u'll still spend ur time to pei me. u nv fail to touch me wif all the little things dat u do for me.
dear I luv u... wanna grow old wif u...